YouTube puts the shameless in self-promotion

YouTube Live sucked. There is no better word for throwing so many wannabes into such a disgusting display of low-brow, low quality crap. Thank you for making the funny unfunny.

YouTube Live sucked. There is no better word for throwing so many wannabes into such a disgusting display of low-brow, low quality crap. Thank you for making the funny unfunny.

Saturday’s first annual “YouTube Live,” a two-hour livestream variety show, made me want to puke.

At times, I wanted to shoot myself.

Now I am not suicidal by any means, but this online, first time crapfest was worse than any MTV awards show.

At least MTV has real stars. I mean Katy Perry and will.i.am are still big names, but most of the acts were inbred via YouTube and seemed like they were thrown together to create one big flop.

While YouTube promoted this first of its kind event, which was filmed live in San Francisco, as a “part concert, part variety show and part party,” all I’ve got to say is it sucks.

Not part suck, but full-fledged suck.

Sitting there in the office, watching this “entertainment” crapisode and commenting on its horrifying nature at every corner, my opinions editor and I could not believe what we were watching.

While the largest video sharing Web site was attempting to showcase the “talent” behind some of its most viewed videos, YouTube single-handedly managed to remove all funniness from every video on the site I ever enjoyed.

Not even the abnormally low voice of Tay Zonday, the star of “Chocolate Rain” “Cherry Chocolate Rain” could save the show. While his YouTube video was one of my favorites, I now hate him.

It was sad seeing a guy play Guitar Hero on stage, but even more disheartening when genuine guitar legend Joe Satriani lent the spotlight to another YouTube “star,” JerryC of “Canon Rock.”

While YouTube is a very important site in today’s wide world of media and politics, I would call “Live” a few things.

One of them would be a joke. Another: sell-out. I don’t know how you can sell yourself out on your own network, but YouTube has done it.

Stick to CNN debates and letting YouTubers get big one their own. When you start banking on that is when things get shi… er, sticky.

Saturday’s broadcast was plain and simple proof that the stuff made on webcams is meant for the Internet, not real life.

From live, gay videobloggers to unfunny “comedians” and even altered animated shorts, every gimmick was taxed and every contributor lost what little credibility they had gained through YouTube.

To watch the viral effects of the “Soulja Boy” dance-rap video phenomenon be dissected on the big screen, and follow up with terrible parodies of Barack Obama and Sarah Palin weeks after the election was just plain pathetic.

When OK Go performed their treadmill music video live on at the MTV Video Music Awards in 2006, it was an impressive feat and culminated what had just been turning into a cultural phenomenon.

For YouTube to do its own awards show (yes, there was an award given out) with almost purely YouTube-bred stars, was practically sacrilegious.

Even the “Charlie bit my finger” video, where a cute little baby bites his brother’s finger and says an adorable line was ruined, when a trendy Asian hipster DJ mixed and remixed the sound bites with the video playing on screen.

The only two worthwhile acts, a performance by the fairly decent Spinto Band and a 30-second HappyTreeFriends animated short, seemed out of place.

MTV was established enough when it started hosting its own awards shows, and at least A-list stars and acts made it watchable in the beginning.

YouTube needs to stop sucking its own dick and get real.

Let the “stars” survive on their own!

Let the record labels and movie studios recruit from your site on their own. We don’t need a special little display of untalented “artists” to tell us we should stop tuning in.

We have been subdued by the Internet culture, and there is no depth to anything we see or hear anymore.

It’s all a big ratings ploy and advertisement deal. This stuff is so bad, it sells.

Watching “YouTube Live” was potentially more harmful to my soul than watching “The Hills.”

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